There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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