at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
