We won't sleep together?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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