she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
