Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
