Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
