tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
