I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
