Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I want is dick and wine.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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