i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just cropdusted the office
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
