There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Are my feet made of real feet?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
