3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
