so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
