shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
