I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
