honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
