you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
