her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
