i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
