The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
