Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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