1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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