please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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