I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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