i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
