if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
