You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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