I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
