and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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