i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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