I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
