If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
