She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
