Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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