And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
