i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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