So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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