Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
