the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
