They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
