Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
