I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
