Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
