your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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