Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
