please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
