my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
