I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I believe in your delicious
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
