Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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