if only i could text you this smell
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
