i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
