before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
