I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
