I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
