I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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